


After You

by tams



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), luke hemmings - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:18:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tams/pseuds/tams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't want to go.<br/>I don't want to go.<br/>I don't want to wake up to leave this place.<br/>I don't want to start fresh anywhere else.<br/>I want to stay here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

Dear Shay,

I don't want to go.  
I don't want to go.  
I don't want to wake up to leave this place.  
I don't want to start fresh anywhere else.  
I want to stay here.

My negativity was apparently getting on my mother’s nerves. I don't know why. I don't want to leave. I don't want to start a new school. Not after everything had finally started to settle down. No.

Imogen, get your bags down here now, she said. I really don't want to. I’d really prefer to lie here for forever. But that's not really gonna happen is it? I'd get hungry.

I don't want to go. Especially if it means I'm gonna be the new girl. And I'm not going to know anybody. Maybe they'll be nice, she had said. I don't think people are nice unless they have to be these days.

It's a long way to Sydney. I don't like long trips. Even less so when I know I'll be starting school in the middle of what should be my summer break as a result of travelling all that way, the day after I get there. No thanks.

I don't want to go.                                                                                

 

Shay,

Sydney smells weird. The first thing I noticed after having sat on a plane for as long as I can remember is that Sydney smells of eucalyptus and traffic. It's definitely a bit of a new sensation compared to the almost smog of London. There are also more trees than I've ever seen in a city here.

Mum got us a cab. And we struggled to fit all the stuff we had on us into the back of it. All I wanted to do was sleep. But I got told off every time I shut my eyes for anything longer than it takes to blink. "Imogen, you'll be really jet lagged if you sleep now. Stay awake." I wanted to knock her out just so I could have like, five minutes sleep.

I hate long journeys.

Our cab dropped us off outside a block of town houses. We are staying here until we find a real house. But we're not in a rush apparently, because mum already paid a years’ worth of rent on it. It's pretty small. Just two bedrooms and an open plan kitchen/dining/living room. And the smallest bathroom in history. We don't have any furniture or even a microwave. Good thing we packed air beds. Mum said something about shopping for new furniture tomorrow. I told her it sounded great. She told me I couldn't go because I had school. I gave her a look of death. She ignored me.

We ended up getting Chinese takeout and eating on the floor. Then we set one of the air beds and both slept on it. I think it was probably about 7pm when we fell asleep. So of course I woke up bright an early, at 5 am. The sun wasn't even anywhere near rising. I thought about getting ready for school, have a shower, straighten hair and all that. But I ended up lying there, and eventually falling asleep again, until mum rolled on top of me, and we both almost had a heart attack when we saw the time. Well mostly me. I had to skip straightening my hair. I looked like a right mess. And I wasn't feeling confident that I was going to be making a good impression on a first day.

We got to the school, and it turned out that considering I didn't have a uniform, and I had just arrived and hadn't chosen my classes and all the school stuff, I was allowed the day off. And I got to go furniture shopping after all. Which turned out to suck because we still don't have any furniture in the house and it was really boring. But we did blow up the second mattress, so I actually get my own bed tonight. We ate left over Chinese. Cold. Because we still don't have a microwave.

 

Dear Shay,

School, while it didn't go as expected, still didn't go great. I was expecting something like the movies I think, where the new girl is introduced in front of the whole class and has to say three things about themselves, and then spends the whole day being ignored while simultaneously being stared at by everyone.

I had woken up on time which was great, so there was still a chance to make my first impression still that was great. At least I didn't have a giant pimple on my nose or my hair was super frizzy. My uniform is particularly boring though. Grey and really dark red, pleated skirts and white blouses, and stockings and a pull over for winter. I suppose you can't be the only one looking bad when everyone is made to wear that.

I got to school a little bit early and I walked into the office, the same place I went yesterday to pick up my timetable. All was going well.

Yea, aside from the fact that I had no idea where I was going. I was so busy trying to work out where I was meant to be going that I walked straight into a pole. Right in front of everyone. So bloody typical. At least someone came out to help me up. And point me in the right direction. Maybe people are nicer than I think they are.

He was quite cute actually. I probably should have said thank you.

I was late to the classroom. Everyone was already seated, and there was literally one chair left. One. I felt very embarrassed, walking to the front of the room, giving apologies to the teacher for being late, and then walking halfway back again. While everyone was staring at me. I didn't enjoy it one bit. I had to sit next to a girl who looked a little bit too happy to see me. It was all very strange. Are all Australians like this? Well obviously not because no one else was jumping out of their seat for me.

Anyways, this girls name is Emily. She seems nice enough. A little bit like she doesn't have many friends though... I suppose it'll be nice to have someone wanting me around. Emily offered to let me sit with her and her friends. I almost didn't take it, but then remembering the movies, where the new girl stands awkwardly in the lunch room looking for somewhere to sit and ends up eating in the toilets which is totally gross, I took up her offer.

The rest of the class was pretty boring. But lunch was definitely different. There's no cafeteria at all. Not even a place to eat inside. It's all outdoors. I have no idea where they go if it rains. Or maybe it just doesn't rain here at all. That would be nice. I'd get a great tan. Emily introduced me to her little group of friends, who are all pretty nice, and we all sat down underneath a tree and they all ate while I didn't because I didn't bring any lunch.

A while into the lunch period, a guy came over, he was blonde and tall and pretty great looking, and also familiar. Though I couldn't pick why. He said Hi to everyone, and then noticing me, he said, Oh, you're the new girl that ran into a pole this morning aren't you? I just nodded my head, feeling super embarrassed that he had seen. Then, to make it even worse, he said, Yea, no problem helping you up.

I knew I should've said thank you. Damn. So I tried to say thank you and sorry at the same time and it really didn't work but it was just blah. I'm such an idiot sometimes.

The boy, Luke, hung out with us for the rest of the lunch break, and it turned out he was actually in my mathematics class. Awesome. I followed him into the class, and sat down at the front of the room. A minute later my name was being called out across the room. I turned to look and Luke was waving at me, making gestures which I think were meant to indicate that he wanted me to go and sit next to him. I just shook my head and stayed where I was. I was still working out this school. It was all so different to back home. I didn't want to step on anybody's toes. Before I knew it he was sliding in to the seat next to me. Hi. I said. And he replied with Hi. Then he peppered me with questions and I had a surprisingly great math lesson. Wow who knew there was such a thing?

 

Dear Shay,

The rest of my week has been pretty good. Luke always sits next to me in maths (I'm still getting used to the ‘s’ on the end. It doesn't really make sense but maybe that's just Australia) and this weekend Emily has invited me to stay over which is really nice of her. I'm about to go actually, so this will be pretty short.

Luke and Emily took me to the beach, and it was beautiful, and not even that cold but they refused to go in with me because they thought it was, and I wasn't confident enough with the waves to go in past my knees. Maybe in summer. Then we got chips and ate them in this quiet little spot above the beach. It was really great.

I haven't told them about you yet. Or even why we moved to Australia. Just that I'm here now. They still seem to like me though. That's great really. Nice to know that people don't judge you quite everywhere you go.

Anyway, time to go. Wish me luck. I miss you.

 

Dear Shay,

The sleepover was great. We watched movies and then stayed up all night talking about me. I didn't like the attention at first because I thought I was gonna have to tell them stuff I wasn't necessarily ready to, but it was more about how I was finding Australia and the difference between here and home. Which it really is very different. People say things here and it seriously doesn't make sense. And they answer questions in probably the vaguest way ever. "How big was it" "oh not big" "how was your day?" "Oh not bad"

Like Christ. Can't get a straight answer out of them ever. And get this, Emily told me yesterday that Australians are the only people to eat their national emblems. They eat kangaroo. What is wrong with these people?

Anyway. We ended up talking about boys at the sleepover and, of course, me being still new and all that, I was asked who I thought was cute. I said Luke. Before I could even think about it. He was the only guy I actually really knew the face of though. I meant I've been going there for four days. Give me a break. Emily straight away said she shipped it. Oh god help I'm friends with a fan girl. No. I gave her a bit of a look and she gave it straight back with a What. I have managed to make at least one great friend. Yay me.

Oh, exciting news, I finally have a phone that works in Australia now. So that's great. And, even better, I get my bed next week so I won't have to sleep on the floor anymore. I'm not sure which I'm happier about though. Probably the bed.

And also, I'm not even stressing out about going back to school like I would normally. Maybe Australia is doing me good.

I suppose we'll find out if it is or not soon. Talk to you soon.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little short, the next part is the last but its longer I promise x

Dear Shay,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I last wrote to you, but not much has really happened, yet I've been so busy at the same time.

Luke and I are much closer now. We are always texting and talking to each other, always hanging out, either at my house or his or the beach. I still haven't told him about you. I haven't told anyone about you. Maybe one day. Luke is good for me though. He takes my mind off everything that happened and lets me imagine things that might happen. Or even just enjoy the moment that we're in.

He says he's gonna take me to a party, but there is no way mum would let me out, as much as she likes Luke. And I'm not going to lie to her, not after last time. Oh well. Parties aren't really my thing anyway right?

The whole school thing is pretty great. It's a lot easier than England, but I suppose people here don't know my story enough to make it horrible and hard. Or maybe I should say our story. Because you're certainly part of it.

There is a camp coming up for my grade. It's a whole week away at this place called Jindabyne, and it's one of the few places in Australia where it actually snows. So I'm going skiing. Apparently not many Australians can actually ski, so I probably will just be cruising around by myself. I really wish you were here. Then we could ski together. That would be nice. Impossible. But I can always dream.

Like I said, not much to tell you. Though I'm always thinking about you. And Luke a lot. But mostly you.

                                                                                                                                                                             

Shay,

Exciting news, mum is going away for the week and leaving me at home alone. Luke is taking me to a party. I don't really have to lie to her. Yes, I'm hesitant after the last time I went partying with you, but I think this is almost something I just need to do.

Luke is the only person I really talk to now. I don't talk to Emily or the other girls as much, and I almost feel bad about it, but it just doesn't feel the same with them as it does with Luke. With them I almost feel like I'm betraying you. I know that's twisted, because they're nothing like you, but I don't know. Luke on the other hand is nothing alike. And I like that. Every girl seems to dream of having a guy best friend and here I am, living the dream. He is so good to me. And I think way down, those original feelings are still there, but I don't think I want it as much now. Something just clicks with us being friends I think. I don't know. You were always the popular one with the boyfriends and all that.

Thinking about this makes me wish you were here even more. Even if it was just to help me figure out boys. No I'm kidding; I need you for more than just that.

Last weekend Luke was over and I was so close to telling him everything, but then I just froze. I must have looked like a fool honestly. But he just smoothed over it, he is perfect really. He didn't even ask me what I was gonna say. I think he knows. Like not really what happened or anything, just that something from my past is like holding me back or something.

Ok maybe my feelings aren't as deep down as I hoped... But there is no way I'm risking what we have. No. He's really all I have.

I'm sorry these letters are so short. I'll try harder next time.

 

Dear Shay,

It’s all my fault. The party we went to, the drugs, and then I wasn’t there to look out for you. Of course I was with a boy. I'm always with a boy. Boys are so stupid. I'm so sorry. I should never have let you get it that car, not with those people. At least I should’ve been with you.  But I wasn’t.

And then when you came back from that trip and you were so high… you didn’t know what you were doing. I still should’ve stopped you. But I let you take more, and drink more. Who would ever think that something meant to be fun would be the worst day of my life.

Yet I still went partying tonight. I still let Luke take me out. I still drank. And now I don’t want to live anymore. Not without you. I feel bad for Luke, and mum. But the pain you left in my chest, it just doesn’t go away. Not ever. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how to live like this. I don’t know how to live without you. I don’t want to. 

There is a packet of painkillers next to me. Ironic isn’t it? Death by painkillers. Though they will kill the pain right? Tell me they do. I need them too.

I'm sorry I didn’t look after you. I'm sorry I'm doing this. But I can’t see any other way. Everything is out of hand.

Good bye.


	3. III

Dear Shay,

If you had been wondering why you hadn’t seen me yet, it’s because I didn’t get the chance to go through with it. You can blame Luke. I suppose I should thank him. But I don’t know if I'm actually mad at him or not. I wanted it so bad, but I know I shouldn’t. Things are a lot better; especially when I'm not drunk and also now that I told Luke everything. Why I moved to Australia, what happened at the party, you, us, everything. And he’s still here. And he doesn’t blame me for anything. But I do. I blame me for everything, and so should everyone else. I hope to find one day that you do too. 

It was a pretty big tear fest when Luke found me. Well I was already crying when he found me, but when he realised what I had planned on doing, he started too. He said such nice things, almost too nice to believe, but it’s Luke, I want to believe him. He told me that everything was going to be ok, and one day it would even be good, he told me that he would always be there, which didn't help at the time because I immediately thought of you and how that had worked out, but now I realise that wasn't how he meant it, and he will in fact always be there. He told me I didn't deserve all the bad things, and then he also told me he was sorry for taking me to the party, but I think he really meant he was sorry for not knowing and letting me get drunk. Eventually I stopped sobbing and hiccupping, and he carried me to my bed, and we just lied there until the sun came up and I fell asleep.

He must've fallen asleep at some point too, because he definitely wasn't awake when I finally pulled myself out of bed at midday. Though me getting up woke him up too. But for those few seconds of sleep I did see, he looked so small. That's when I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't try it again, just for that face. Then his eyes opened and the moment was gone, but replaced with a new one as he greeted the day with a smile, and a very groggy sounding good morning. I smiled back at him, willing it to be real. He seemed satisfied with it and got up as well, heading downstairs to my little kitchen to make me hot chocolate because he knew I wasn't a coffee person.

But through all this, now I realise that I think I'm probably falling in love with him. Like harder than for any boy I've ever fallen for. But I don't want to. I know he'll treat me right, and I'm sure he'd make a good boyfriend, but I don't want anything to change.

And anyway, I'm sure after last night’s efforts, he doesn't think of me that way. No way. I'm amazed he even stuck around for morning. He is nice though. Maybe he just can't help himself.

 

Dear Shay,

I think Luke is worried about me. Like I get why after everything I told him. But now it kinda makes me feel intimidated. And it's starting to feel like he's suffocating me. But there's no way in the world I would want him to go away.

We're always together now. At school, after school, on the weekends. I hope he doesn't feel like I'm weighing him down. I don't mean too. It's just that now I told him seriously everything, I don't want to tell anyone else. And I pray to god every night that he doesn't tell anyone else. Because if he told the wrong people... I don't think I would survive for very much longer.

He slept over last night. Again. Like I said, we're with each other basically all the time. And he held me tight right through the night. I'm sure his arm must've gone numb, and then when he woke up he must've had the worst pins and needles ever, but he didn't let go once. If it was his way of saying he was never letting me go (not so much in a physical sense) then I definitely got the message. I felt so safe there in my bed, his arms around me. I didn't want to wake up in the morning, but for a different reason to usual.

We spent most of today just cuddling watching funny movies. It's weird, we act like most couples, and people probably think we are a couple from the way we always hold hands or hug, except we're not a couple. We don't kiss, and we're definitely just friends. It's starting to seem impossible that it will be anything more, but I'm not going to be the one to make the first move, that's for sure.

I always feel happier when he's around. He has the same effect on me you did. Maybe that's why I like him so much. It's just a bonus that he looks so good too. But he isn't you, ok? No one will ever be you. Luke is Luke, and that's the closest I can get to fixing myself after you. I'll love you for forever. And there's not a chance in hell that I'll ever forget you.

Miss you heaps.

 

Shay,

I'm freaking out. I cannot believe that just happened! I kissed him. What was I even thinking? Obviously I wasn't. Otherwise I wouldn't have kissed him. Jesus Christ. How could I be so stupid? I can't even believe this.

Basically, I was at his house and we had been having a pretty lazy day, mostly watching movies and just talking, and he asked me how I was coping with you, and I got really emotional, and everything was coming up and it just happened? Why didn't I stop myself? I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I kissed him and it was the most awkward kiss ever. Probably because I just planted one on him without warning at all really, and then we sat there for a second and he looked at me like whoa what is she doing? And then I tried to apologise and I ended up making no sense what so ever so I ran home. He called after me but I was too embarrassed to even stop for a moment.

What is he even going to think? He probably won't ever talk to me again now. So smooth of me.

Wait. He just texted me. It says: Immy, call me please. I need to talk to you.  
Is that a good think or a bad thing? I don't think I can talk to him right now. I'm still embarrassed.

Idiot.

 

Dear Shay,

He ended up knocking on my door. I didn't reply to his texts, and I definitely didn't call him, but he still came. I suppose he might have been worried about me or something, even though it's been months since I thought about all that stuff.

Anyway, I opened the door, and the relief on his face was incredible. I couldn't believe how happy he was to see me. He smiled, then grabbed my face, and he kissed me. Right in the door way to my house.

It was probably the most romantic thing ever. I was so shocked afterward that I just stood there. He probably thought I was crazy after seeing my expression. And the fact that I was just staring at him. Of course I ended up kissing him again and it was like something out of a movie with the whole best friend "I love you" and "I love you too" and all that. It was amazing whilst living it. I never thought I would get to play the part of Disney princess, but I did. And now I have my prince. Wow that sounded really cheesy.

We spent the rest of the afternoon doing what we had earlier, watching a movie, cuddling, talking, and this time, kissing.

I know I'll never be the same without you. But because of you, and everything that happened, I got myself a Luke. And while I do wish you were still here, Luke seems to fit pretty right. He'll look after me now, I know it. You used to, but now I have him. He makes me happy Shay. I'll always love you too. Don't ever think I don't. But now I think our story is over. And that does make me sad. I never want to let you go. But now, just maybe, I've found the right person to help me move on. So thanks for the memories. I never got to say that at the funeral. But we really did have the best of times didn't we? There are moments that I'll be able to look back on fondly again, that won't be so coloured in sadness. Thank God for Luke. I'll see you before you know it.

Goodbye Shay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Please leave me feedback, or just tell me you did like it. whichever.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on here, it's dedicated to my friend Imogen, hope you like it. Maybe give me feedback or something? idk people dont really do that for me often.


End file.
